


31 Flavors

by Paraprosdokia (ChangeableConsistency)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, I apologize for nothing, Ice Cream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 08:42:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18340157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangeableConsistency/pseuds/Paraprosdokia
Summary: What follows is a sampling of flavors inspired by the MCU, Bon Appetit!





	31 Flavors

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided that as this is basically a Pooh Bear fic (Full of Stuff And Fluff (and Nonsense) with very little room for anything else) to only slightly clean it up (Thank you GrandShipperOfJohnlockAndStony!). This means the tone meanders far afield with complete disregard of every storytelling advice I have ever received (or given).

**Iron Man** **  
**

Black Pepper Rose Petal Sorbet for Ms. Potts. Refined, gourmet, surprisingly strong without overpowering the palate.   
  
Strawberry French Vanilla Swirl with Blue Raspberry Ribbon Ice Cream, this is Tony of course. Comes on a little strong at the start, with a nearly unpleasant tartness if you don't get a balanced bite, surprisingly mellow sweet finish.    
  
Rhodey doesn't get anything new, but rather Rocky Road, rich chocolate ice cream, uniformly sprinkled with handcrafted marshmallows and gently roasted almonds. Classic, dependable, and it will never let you down.    
  
Happy, a Hawaiian Punch Otter Pop; you may be surprised how much you like enjoy this childhood favorite.    
  
Black Licorice Raisin Gelato- everyone calls it ice cream, but that's not what it really is, and you might think, "hey, this isn't half bad" but you'd be wrong. How could you not tell it was evil? It's got raisins in it for god's sake! (Obie)

  
Coulson, Vanilla (Tahitian vanilla, made with vanilla infused Everclear for extra kick, but the label just says 'Vanilla' so watch out, it will knock you on your ass.)   
  
Yinsen a pint of whatever you can grab so that at least you have something to go drown out your sobbing case of feels. 

 

**The Incredible Hulk**

Banner. Jalapeño Jelly Sorbet. Different, not bad, but different. Spicy and sweet.    
  
HULK GET ICE CREAM, TOO. Yes, dear. Oversized Klondike bar. The lengths people will go to to get this is ridiculous, and it's not like they would know what to do if they actually got it.    
  
Betty. Homemade Thin Mint Ice Cream, and by 'homemade' I mean by a gastronomist wielding liquid nitrogen. It's all a bit over my head, but I can certainly enjoy the results.   
  
General Ross. Nobody actually *likes* the strawberry part of Neapolitan, Thunderbolt, so knock it off.   
  
Blonsky. English Walnut. Meh. Kinda bitter. Definitely nutty. DO NOT MIX WITH JALAPEÑO JELLY SORBET. This is a mistake. It will not 'spice it up' or improve on it any any way. Seriously: DO NOT.   
  
Sterns. Pop Rocks Ice Cream. I know, this sounds awesome, but it's really terrible. Especially because all the pop rocks sink to the bottom, so you think you have a nice, generic, slightly fruity ice cream and then *BAM* weird and wrong and WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ICE CREAM? WHAT DID IT EVER DO TO YOU?   
  
Samson. Sure, the vanilla part of Neapolitan is serviceable, as ice creams go, but really, why bother? It's not what you really want, and it's never going to make you happy.

 

**Iron Man 2**

**** Tasting Note: Pepper and Coulson haven't changed.   
  
Tony has. Piña Colada/Strawberry Daquiri Sherbet. So, not necessarily a change for the better. And really not good for you in the long run. But hey! We've got a couple more movies, so keep trying, sweetie.    
  
Did someone switch my Rocky Rhoad? You know I'm not a fan of change. Well, okay, yes, it's a little richer, a little smoother. Oh, Fine! I do like it better. Shut up.    
  
Same old Hawaiian Punch Otter pop, though, so that's good. You've pacified me. For now.    
  
Nat(alie/asha), AKA Black Widow. French Silk Chocolate Italian Gelato, DELICIOUS, and hey look! Raspberry Vodka hourglass shaped truffles hidden at the bottom (which are actually the best part). Surprise!   
  
Justin. Justin, sweetheart. I love you. You know I do. But Raisins don't belong in Pistachio Gelato. Sure, not everyone likes pistachio, but enough people like it just the way it is. You don't need all that whip cream (okay, maybe a little whip cream) chocolate sauce, three kinds of nuts, and seriously, the Grand Marnier cherries are just overkill. Why can't you be happy to be just plain pistachio gelato? You're ruining it. No! What are you doing!? DON'T ADD MORE RAISINS. GDI, Hammy. When I say I love you that is not a challenge.    
  
Vanko: Beet Marscapone Ice Cream (seriously, I had this the other day and it was fabulous) is actually a good base. But you should have garnish it with basil, not asphalt. Only a crazy person would do that and think it was still edible. No one wants their ice cream to taste like exhaust fumes and despair. No one.    
  
So, I forgot JARVIS, Christine, and Fury (technically) in IM1:   
  
Christine. Meyer Lemon Sorbet. Takes a little getting used to, but it’s actually really nice. I think the people that don't like it haven't actually given it a chance.    
  
JARVIS. Dulce De Leche Slow Churn Ice Cream with Toffee Pieces. If perfection took physical form as ice cream, this would be it.    
  
Fury: Espresso Ice Cream. Nothing fancy, but it gets the job done

 

**Thor**   
  
Thor. Hand Churned Honey Lavender Ice Cream. Sweet and strong, but kind of onenote. If it's not to your taste at first, try adding extra bittersweet dark chocolate shavings, which will add depth and character.    
  
Loki. Another entry from the 'not actually ice cream' category, this Root Beer and Lime Shaved Ice is so finely ground you'll think it's a sorbet, but the occasional gritty bit will remind you it's actually closer kin to a snow cone than to ice cream. The rootbeer and lime syrups can be a bit saccharine and conflict on the tongue, but if you let it melt together a bit you may find yourself liking it despite yourself. Then again, you just might find it to be awful and want nothing to do with it; tastes vary.   
  
Odin. If Benjamin Odin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick... Kidding! I kid! Odin is a Spumoni, layers of Old Fashioned Vanilla, Bittersweet Chocolate, and Nutty Pistachio, with bright bursts of Chopped Cherries (which may or may not have been soaking too long in mead) this one all depends on what type of bite you get.    
  
Frigga. This Marshmallow Ice Cream may seem too fluffy, but there's a solid ribbon of rich Espresso that gives it a core of strength (and maybe more than a touch of bitterness- all the better to balance the lightness of the rest of this delightful treat).   
  
Jane. From our resident gastronomist's chemistry kitchen, these Peaches and Cream Ice Cream Pearls are a delightful change from your run of the mill ice cream. We've topped them with a Jasmine foam, slightly off the wall but ultimately pleasant to the palette.    
  
Erik. Dr. Selvig's offering comes from the same chef as Dr. Foster's; this time it's a Wheat Ale Ice Cream with a Whiskey Carmel. Overall: sweet with a little bit of bite.    
  
Darcy. Bubble Gum ice cream all grown up, made with Three Olives Bubble Gum Vodka, you'll want to be careful with this one as it will have you on the floor faster than you can say Sigma Delta.   
  
Warriors Three. Three individual Cheesecake Sundae's, these can be served separately, but make an excellent trio to share with friends.

  * Fandral. A classically charming Cherry Sauce topping over a scoop of New York Cheesecake Ice Cream, prepared with the perfect touch of lemon zest, though some might find it slightly cloying.


  * Hogun. Smashed Strawberries hand picked from our garden to ensure only the very best get pulverized and then layered with a scoop of Peanut Butter Cheesecake Ice Cream, an unusual combination that will leave you asking for more.


  * Speaking of more; Volstagg. Not one, not two, but three scoops make this one a dessert all on it's own; rich Dark Chocolate Cheesecake, airy White Chocolate Cheesecake, and strong Cappuccino Cheesecake, all topped with Caramel Whipped Cream and Roasted Almonds.



Sif. While this one can certainly hold its own, it's also lovely when served with the Warriors Three, Red Velvet Ice Cream created by just the right blend of chocolate and cream cheese ice creams.    
  
Clint Barton. Really more of a tease than a full dessert, this is a single tablespoon with a precisely molded mouthful of Blackberry Sorbet. It's tartness pairs perfectly with the Agent Coulson or the Black Widow from our Iron Man collection; try all three together in our striking Delta flight. 

 

**Captain America: The First Avenger**

Steve Rogers. Don't let the pale layer of vanilla ice cream fool you into thinking there's nothing special here. Underneath the vanilla is a buttery layer of pie crust followed by bite sized caramelized apple pieces with just a hint of nutmeg. Our Caramel Apple Pie Ice Cream is hand crafted with Fortune apples, created in a lab in at Cornell University by crossing Red Spy and Empire apples, these beauties are slightly sweet, a little tart, and subtly spicy.   
  
James "Bucky" Buchanan. Kahlúa Ice Cream with chunks of Dark Chocolate, this one is perfect as a half pint in front of your favorite sad movie (Yeah, I know, this is technically our Winter Soldier, but our CA2 line hasn't actually been released yet and I couldn't keep this one under wraps. (As if it were any sort of secret.))   
  
Dr. Abraham Erskine. Milk chocolate ice cream with a coconut-pecan frosting ribbon, our Chocolate German Chocolate Cake Ice Cream is only here for a limited time, so enjoy it while you can.    
  
Captain Phillips: A tart Lime Sorbet, more of a palette cleanser to prep your tastebuds for the next course, it will never be sweet enough for anyone to seriously call dessert.    
  
Peggy Carter: Blood Orange and Cardamom Sorbet. This one is a little unusual, with a strong citrus start and a touch bitter at the finish, the mellow spiciness of the cardamom helps keep it balanced.    
  


**Author's Note:**

> I figure my Baskin Robbins always has way more than 31 flavors, so I can get away with it too.


End file.
